ling's Existing Situation
Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems, but is either unwilling or unable to exert the effort.

ling's Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.

ling's Restrained Characteristics
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are. Feels cut off and unhappy because of the difficulty in achieving the essential degree of cooperation and harmony which she desires.

ling's Desired Objective
Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. Sentimental and yearns for a romantic tenderness.

ling's Actual Problem
Seeks to avoid criticism and to prevent restriction of her freedom to act, and to decide for herself by the exercise of great personal charm in her dealings with others.

ling's Actual Problem #2
Has a fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants. This leads her to employ great personal charm in her dealings with others, hoping that this will make it easier for her to reach her objectives.

Take the ColorQuiz yourself right now!

4 things that i really really really really really really want to do...

* Dance

* Travel, chill and dive

* Read more books

* Strengthen my faith

I dun want to sound depressed cuz i noe alot of you care soo much for me.. honestly, i'm losing it..

I'M NOT SLACKING ANYMORE.. Happy birthday blog~

Heya peeps! Good news! i got a job!! Yeah!! V happy! well.. its a job at Safra HQ.. as a projects and events facilitator.. I'm nt a government servant.. just working for a club tat is interlinked with the army.. so we do events like Runway Cycling, Singapore Bialathon and Army Half Marathon. And AHM is coming!! Anyone wanna join!? Join leh join leh.. gt exciting programs lined up for all..

Anyway, it's something tat i really wanted to do and try.. Yesterday was my first day of work.. went for orientation.. walked around the club.. although i used to go there every sat for bowling.. and now.. can't believe tat i'm working there liao~ haa.. went ard the office shaking hands with EVERYBODY in the office in every single department.. damn funny la.. then went to my department.. (Special division ok.. mai siao siao) collegues are really nice, drove me to chinatown to buy mahjong set and tabao lunch back, went out for collection and lost our way.. haaa.. and i sprained my ankle, on my first day of work.. damn happening ok.. haaa.. and it's at the carpark lo.. darn it.. i missed a step and goonnnee~~ wearing heels somemore.. then my collegues all offered to drive me go see chinese doctor.. but all closed.. drove to redhill say closed for dinner.. haa.. end up my collegue even accompanied me to see doc until like 8 plus.. wah.. Gan dong sia! BUt really really really grateful tat i gt this job.. its something tat i had imagined myself being happy.. =) But, not to mention late nites, burnt weekends and lack of sleep la.. i'll be v bz until the end of AHM on 27th Aug.. BUT! I must still try to make time for Kosen Rufu! I everything and everyone cannot be neglected! haa.. and yesterday desmond n ah lay was telling gerald to prepare hot red bean and ah tap chee hot one for me.. haa.. if u get wat i mean.. ;p

Finally, my prayers were answered.. i prayed so hard and i really wanted to prove tat i will NOT do an administrative job tat is desk bound and do repetitive things Every Single Day.. No way. I wanna show even more actual proof tat i can do it and do it well now tat i gt wat i wanted to do.. I wanna show actual proof to everyone tat i have changed for the better! Never doubt the power of the Gohonzon! I want to know my mission in life! So many determinations! I hope tat i can prove it thru my ACTIONS! Not words! Wo hui jia you de.. Kan wo de ba!

An apology....

To my dearest friends.. this is an apology i have to make.. for making you guys go thru all those shite with me.. haa.. =)

These past few days have been a life changing experience for me.. i've decided not to be weak and indecisive anymore.. i've set my determination to change my life and treat everyone else better! And, i've come to realised tat it is not physical assets nor money can bring happiness to one.. but instead, i should be thankful and I AM THANKFUL that i have wonderful friends like you. Every single one of you. These 21 yrs of my life is nt wasted cuz i have the best present already.. which is every one of u..

Especially to the crazy ones, mei an, kinda, kenji, leng, des, xian mei, nie nie, wan ling, seng and rich.. and the not so crazy ones.. whom i love dearly too.. My fellow IICs, let, ah lay, des, kev and jick for ur endless encouragements.. Dun worry guys SUNSHINE LILING is coming back! Let's bring SPSD into even greater heights! It's our mission to be there! Let's WIN! The rest of my SPSD girls, both old n new.. karen, joan, qi qi and many more.. thank u ya all for being there for me.. ALWAYS and sending me abudant daimoku and prayers.. I will not disappoint you all. I WILL grow to become stronger and wiser! It is time for me to do my own Human Revolution!

Not forgetting my dear o' gerald.. thanks dear for being there for me.. for talking sense and shit into me.. for hangin on to the phone with me.. for all the frustrations and anger i gave u.. for making the effort to come to find me even when u are so so tired after a long day.. esp after NDP trainings and shows.. Thank u for everyting even though u always ask urself y u love me so much.. even when i'm so fat, lazy and weak.. haa... u noe why.. CUZ I GT MEI LI WU FA DANG.. and i cook good pasta too.. haa... the way's to the man's heart is thru his tummy.. wahhaha.. but siao.. u htink i cook everyday meh.. haaa... MUAHAH.. Lub u la lub u.. haaa.. Thanks for making me realise so many things n being there for me..i must have accumulated alot of good fortune to have met you.. (^_^)

And so.. my 21st birthday wish is for all of u, u, u, my friends to be strong, healthy and be forever a sunshine to everyone u meet! And for me to change to become someone better and stronger n be a pillar of support for anyone! My dear friends let's really fight on together and WIN! we are all in this together! Like gerald said, no one gets left behind!

From the bottom of my heart.. i wan to say.. I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U!!! Please take gd care of urself n SORRY k for anything n everything.. BIG HUGGIE FOR EVERYONE!!! muaah!


Apology's accepted? (^_^)

Birthday ..

Why must there be bdays?? HMmm.. Just sucks all ur money for all the momentary happiness.. haa..Hmmm.. i'm old.. getting old.. feeling old and feeling cold.. haaa.. rhymes leh.. ANYWAY, just had my bday over the weekends.. first of all, i wanna thank everyone who celebrated my bday with me.. esp my crazy gangsters, zha0 yang and gerald soh yi de.. .. thanks for having dessert lunch with me.. n my NYC mates.. haa.. thanks for giving me my 30 seconds of fame at Newton circus ar.. haaa.. THANK U EVERYONE!!

And, i would like to apologise to my crazy gangsters.. sorry for making a huge fuss out of my bday.. really sorry ya.. and yes, i cried.. cuz it wasnt wat i expected it to be.. n i felt bad cuz its my 21st and i didnt wanted to end it this way.. but i tot at least could have told me wat's happening.. maybe i wasnt appreciative enough and expected too much. So sorry if i gt anyone annoyed or fed up with me! I'm so sorry.. i'm too easily swayed by the 8 winds! baa!! And dear, so sorry for making u feel so bad n angry.. i'm weak! Thanks for accompanying me thru the nite and sorry for being so grouchy.. baaaa... Pirates is nice.. y u fall asleep.. aiya..

I know u all care alot for me.. esp in me getting a job, being independent and decisive.. Tat's y i feel so bad tat u all worry so much for me n i'm still here.. =\ Not tat i didnt try.. i did. Is it not enough? Yes.. i think so.. i really wan you all to see a whole new me noe, not the Liling being so weak, so easily cry, so indecisive, so dependent on gerald, so everything!! I hope Liling does not get onto ur nerves ya? I'm beginning to get a bit disgusted with myself for being this way.. like nw.. see, i'm crying already.. haaa.. So soorry for making u guys worry.. Thanks for all ur patience and prayers... the rest is up to me.. =)

Now praying hard to find my mission in life.. to get a job tat i can challenge myself the most! Kinda says challenge gt 2 type, 1 is ur enjoy urself while challenging it.. the other is u challenge urself with much unhappiness.. so which one will i go into? CHallenge 1 or challenge 2? Or is it tat i'll have to goo a detour, a longer way until i noe wat i wan to do in my life and where my mission lies?

I dunno.. i feel left out sometimes when i see all of u are so happy at times.. u gt a gd job, gd life not to mention with challenges n obstacles i'm happy for all of u.. but i dunno sometimes i'm nt happy myself.. =\ Happiness is nt an external factor nt someone can give to u forever but something tat is decided by urself.. I want to be happy! I want to be strong! I want to be courageous! I wanna be a good friend! I want to be a good IIC who can encourage all my members and see them achieve actual prove! I want to be a good girlfriend! I want to be a good daughter! I want to be i want to be i want to be! So much i want to be-sss... hmmm.. I will acheive it! Jia you!! Please give me some time to change! I will definately change for the better de!

Just wanna thank everyone whom i met, loved and accquainted in my past 21 years of my life. I'm thankful for being alive and i pray tat all of u will continue to live great lives, be happy and most of all love life! A BIG BIG HUGGIE FOR EVERYONE!!!!!

I"M SO FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP!!!!!

aRGGHHH!!!! SO ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!! MY PATIENCE IS RUNNING SUPER DUPER LOW!!

I feel so alone!! First, i'm jobless.. which might be good in a way, but no income how? Maybe I'm fussy.. but then again, what do i want in life? What do i wan to do? I feel like going to hospitality or tourism sector but will my parents allow me to? Will i be able to accomodate my life? To Gakkai? To Gerald? To family? To friends? Arghh.. i'm happy for all my friends who already got a job, esp those which they like.. but then again, i'm envious. Because they got a job, which means income will come in and you can do so much more.

Right now is just lost, lost and even more lost. Maybe i haven been chanting hard enough.. Sansho shima has been attacking us esp the IICs.. It feels really tough to be struggling alone.. I feel so alone and my patience is running lowwwww... I cant really bother or add more troubles to Gerald cuz of the passing of his grandma. But i really feel tat its tough for him to console me.. but its like so many setbacks along the way, i've fallen but i picked myself up many times. How many times more do i have to fall? Its really a struggle everyday to wake up 11am in the morning, feel useless the whole day until the nite when i got gakkai activities.

And becuz i'm not working, i have to do the work of 6 people. Not to say tat the other IICs are not doing anything but it;s that rite now everyone's life's is not on the tracks yet. So therefore, i'm the only one who is free enough to go handle things. I noe, i'm collecting good fortune and such challenges will make me stronger and a better person. Its like the airplane theory. A plane needs resistance to fly. The resistance is sansho shima but it makes us fight even harder and work even harder. It occurs very strongly when we are on the right tracks, working towards the growth and happiness of all members. That is when sansho shima kicks in. Maybe it's time for me to get my act together n fight on viliantly. Alone.

Haaaaa.. feel better now.. i just need to cry n vent it all out. Feels alot better now.

I know alot of us are going thru a tough patch nw. But i'm sure that we'll reap wat we sow. No prayers will never go unanswered and winter will never fail to turn into spring. To do that, we must really have that strong ichinen and WCC [mei an will noe wat i mean. haaa] (Wisdom, Courage and Compassion) to go all out to overcome our obstacles and do KR.

But is it karma that whatever the leaders are the members will be too? I have so much dreams and goals for SPSD. I wan SPSD to grow even more than before to establish a really firm standing in SP. Spreading the the philosphy of SGI = peace, culture and education. And i really wan all the members to be happy and their friends to be able to embrace this Buddhism. BUT. WHY???? WHY??? Must be karma, honestly i can say, we are not united at all.. FOREVER there is miscommunications. FOREVER the response time is SLOOOWWW.... might be me, i doing that tat's why my members are also like tat. ARghhh.... so f*** up. Why can't we get a task done? And it keeps dragging and dragging and the end product is like.. WAT? After meeting up so many times this it is?

I mean i agree with wan lu that SPSD have a serious problem with efficency and puntuality. For a student, studies is the most important, whats the point of meeting up so many times and then not achieving anything? Its like a slap on the face, hello~??? How can we impart the sense of mission and responsiblity into them? Can't always get the same old people to keep things running while the younger ones just tag along and have fun. It's not all fun and games noe. What's the basis of our practise? I'm sure all of u noe. It's Faith, Practise and Study. Am i right? We cannot always come for meeting only to have fun. Important thing is that we all grow together n faith and fight countless victorious battles together. I'm sorry to say this if you are a member and reading this. I just need a venting outlet. I know i shouldnt be saying all these but its tough. DO you understand? I'm only human. I know its alot of stress on you too but let's really take things seriously and fight on together can? I know some of you are new and still have lots of things to learn. If now's not the time, then when? It's not impossible. I just need EVERYONE to get their act together. PLEASE?

We still have sooo much more to improve on. Like reaching out to our members and fighting along with them. How bout home visits? Dialogue? Meetings? Its all equally important. I dun wan to e strict with the members that's why i'm v relax in letting you do whatever you wan to go as long as you FEEDBACK FEEDBACK FEEDBACK and FEEDBACK. But am i getting any? NOOOO... Send msg. Normally will get no acknowledgement. Need to send 3 times to people then will get reply. Maybe i'm doing that too.. but i'm really trying v v hard to change. ARE YOU? Even if you didnt get the thing done, even if its just alil. It's ok. I'm not going to scold you or blacklist you, no. None of us will do that. We'll all the more encourage you and help u. So please.. i really BEGGG of you to really response. LEt's do things together in itai doshin. Not as indivduals. Even as individuals, we must stand tall and fight on with courage. Remember? Courage is very important? I'm know we can be very good when it comes to planning a meeting with fun n games, but at the end of it most importantly, did the members and friends gained anything from it? As always after a wonderful meeting, of excellent attendance after a meeting, you wont see that particular member or friend again. Its like what have we instilled into them? That i really wan you to go think about it. I really hope tat you will really taking into consideration wat i've just said. We can;t go on saying never mind its ok, things will get better. We need to eradicate the problem from the root. People, please. MOVE IT!

We really need to do something bout it. If not we will never grow.

1. Itai Doshin
2. Faith, Practise, Study
3. Willingness to do moreInitiative
4. Promptness in response
5. Initiative
6. Puntuality
7. Efficiency
8. Seeking spirit

Just to share, here's what my brother told me. If you want to achieve absolute happiness and to get the best job or in your case studies or whatso-ever. You'll have to devote yourself totally to the happiness of your members and to work for the sake of Kosen-Rufu. You must develop an indestructible life condition basing our every struggle on the strategy of the Lotus Sutra. Can we all do that? It's tough, i noe, all of us face this problems. Because we have friends, school work, family, bf/gf. We are all common mortals, we have earthly desires. But earthly desires equals to enlightenment. No resistance. How can we take off and fly? No resistance can a seagull soar up higher than the sky? But never never forgot the basis of our practise and base our life on the strategy of the Lotus Sutra. Together always we must fight together we must win! Always go back to the Gohonzon whenever we meet with a deadlock n chant with sincere determination. Prayers must always be followed by taking actions. Just chanting alone is not good enough. We chant to manifest our buddha wisdom n innate buddha nature to tackle our problems. It must be followed by action!!

Just wanna say my piece, i feel better now. I really worry for SPSD. Really. I really hope lets all not lose direction in life. No, it does not mean that we are no-lifers. We can still go chill out, pub in the weekends and have fun. We all need a break once or twice a week. Think of it as living life to the fullest and accumulating a whole lot of gd fortune! Feels good now. N i hope tat YOU are reflecting upon urself rite now. You can be angry, sad or be in a disagreement with me. But really hope tat we'll all get up and GO, MOVE, RUN! Really hope tat TODAY, TOMORROW and EVERYDAY will be a even better day filled with challenges and victories. And i will definately pray that you and i have the high life condition to face any "surprise" or setbacks along the way. We shall fight on together and really build the close bond within each of us which will last us a life time. CAN???

The IICs are always praying for all your great growth and for each of you to be awakend to ur mission in life. Let's all strive on together. Can? No matter wat, i'll be standing by all of you. Thank you. I feel sooooo much better now. v(^_^)v

P.S: This post is not meant for anyone in particular but in general SPSD.

Sorry
i'm gone for so long! For all my other friends.. here's a short update of me.. cheers!

www.gentingkl.blogspot.com
I WANT TO PUT BIG BIG!!
OK, laugh at me.. i'm fat.. liek a balloon.. haaa.. and i'm jobless.. anyone gt lobang?